DR. JIM'S JOURNAL

Peter Pan At 41/2

2008-03-02T16:08:00.000-08:00

Ok, here I am ready to go. It is cold and a lot of snow. I see the mountains out there and my Dad has drove around them a bit. I am heading up there as soon as I can. I hear folks talking about the big world out there. That is where I am going as soon as I can. Mom is always talking about about school or something I do not understand. She does not seem to understand me when I say I hitting the road. Oh well, read, I have to be able to read. Ok, Ok.

My Dad and sisters read to me. I heard a song on the radio "Do Not Pen Me In" what is that?

A Little Incident That Lasted A Life Time!

2008-03-01T15:33:00.000-08:00

I just talked to a person who spoke of kindness and used the word karma. This brought memories of when I first heard the term. I was in the Army Special Forces in Japan. I made missions to Viet Nam, Asia and the Middle East. One day while in a judo class in Tokyo I had just thrown by my instuctor for the first time. Of course, I was standing there all smug. An older man, perhaps 79 or in his 80s with a black kimono and a red slash around his waist walked towards me. No smile or eye contact, he just walked up to me and threw me and kept on walking. I am gasping for air asking my instructor "who is that?" He replied that he was a 10th degree belt holder in judo and a Zen master.

Well, I wanted to know more about him and the term Zen Master explained to me. I quickly found out that Zen was a school of Buddhism that had a special type of mediatation that was not a mediatation at all. Also, that the followers of Buddha did not believe in killing. That last element really hit me. Is there really a group of people who do not kill and think it is wrong to do so. I had a very difficult time with that fact. The more I investigated, the more it effected me.They truely believe that "we are one" so no killing of bugs, animals or humans.Not only that but there was a large international movement some 2500 years ago whereBuddhist walked all over Asia spreading the word. Many soldiers laid down their spears and swords and became monks.

Tibet had one of the greatest armies on earth butthe majority became monks. People all over Asia stopped eating meat. As far West as the Greeks where the King accepted Buddha. Well, my story is a very personal one. I was a highly trained soldier who every day trained others in the art of killing. I was sent here and there to Viet Nam and the Cold War arena. This actually changed my life and my attitude towards life. Oh no, I did not resign as I could have but I suffered in the effort to make peace with myself. I practiced Zen and attended a nearby monastery for years. It became a life time practice and I feel that it not only saved my life but the lives of my men several times. Of course, this story is somewhat superficial due to time and space.

Many years later, after a prolonged illness my Zen practice restored me to health. Thanks for listening and I welcome your comments. If you haven't yet, go look at my profile as in a way it is part of the story as well as the Peter Pan story. It is a strange world. The other day I asked a young woman if she was familiar with the term, "green beret". She said no.

2008-02-28T11:16:00.000-08:00

Peter Pan in the Military Conclusion

2008-02-24T12:45:00.000-08:00

Remember, our Peter Pan does is not aware of this diagnosis. Not until later in life when he looks back does he look at the clues.

So our man left the Pentagon and moved to Japan. Before too long he took over an old radar sight up on Mount Fuji as his operational headquarters. It was only a small detachment but the site itself was quite large. Almost over night the detachment grew and our Peter Pan was a Lt. Col.. The organization was training people from all over Asia and South Asia. Missions were primary in Asia, however it was not unusual for them to be anywhere in the world. Of course, until 1979 missions to Viet Nam continued.

The last few days that the U.S. was in VN our man and a very good friend were there to assist some VN citizens to get out. The friend was the last American to be killed there. There were mixed feelings about the fall of the country where we put so much effort for so long and now leaving defeated. Not only was it a mistake to bomb the north, it made them stronger. Now there are a lot of years of training, and missions. We did not mention that our man married and had one son. He did not marry until he was 30. Over the years he lived in a Japanese house on the coast that belonged to a friend of his. The house was typical Japanese style and on the beach. They loved the residence and the community. It was the former summer home of his friend's family. The marriage was a good one and not at all the typical type that Peter Pans fear. He had a lot of travel with assignments mainly in Asia and the Middle East but some the world over. She had a graduate degree in international marketing and did some consulting. They had one child, a boy.

We are forgetting one event. Peter Pan had a direct commission and knew it was essential to have a degree. As soon as he left the hospital during the Korean war he passed his GED and started pursuing a BA. This was most difficult. At times he would get off of a plane and catch a train to school The BA took 41/2 years. Many years later the Army sent his to graduate school. He elected to go to Fordham University, NYC. Graduate school is part of the grooming for the General rank.During this time he had men under him stationed in El Salvidor in Central America where he had to visit from time to time. He received advanced degrees in Social Work and Psychology. His idea was to help people when he separated from the Army. He attained his Colonel prior to age 40.

The conclusion of the Colonel's career was a tragic one. We can only discuss the highlights of the issues. Of course, all of this plays out in Japan but it also involves Central America where he commanded a small force while attending graduate school. There he became acquainted with several guerrilla leaders. We bypassed the story of out Col. identifying a leader getting off of a ship in San Francisco. He was arrested and sent to Federal prison where the Col. paid him a friendly visit seeking additional information. There are many adventures missing here.

In summary let us note that the Col. was issued over 25 combat medals including the DSC, 15 Silver Stars,, a number of Bronze Stars and 7 Purple Hearts. Few people know of his rash last minute decision to retire. Also, somehow in the midst of his inability to communicate the reality of the situation in the real world his young son lost his life. Some think it had to do with the disappointment of being turned down for promotion. They do not know the man.

Some concluding comments: Peter Pan's favorite sport is and I mean is sky diving. He has thousands of jumps. Sometimes 2-3 jumps a day. He won several international competitions. From the very beginning of his career he was involved in the martial arts competing for several years. This achievement paid off many times as the majority of Peter Pan's combat experiences were hand to hand type. Special Forces specialized in small team deployment.

Upon return to civilian life he was able to utilize his professional degrees to help people or as he terms it payback time. It was later when he became very ill but recovered that he started thinking of his "young self" in an old body. Actually, he started adult hood as an adult in a young body.

What next ? Peter Pan's life is not over yet.
PS: Peter Pan has a significant bank account and investments upon separation from the Army so he never regretted his rash decision until his recent illness. During the prolonged illness bills were not paid and finances were drained. His beloved independence is at stake. He is working on recovery and has set a plan in action. It will be slow but he has the patience. After all, he has pulled himself out of number of hot spots.

Not much mention was made of the so called "cold war" operations involving Russia. A lot of classified information here and the activities are known to the public. There is a TV program called "The Unit" that is fairly accurate for the Army activities. It is based on the book "The Delta Group" Peter Pan was active in many of the operations. Thats it until Peter Pan creates some new material.

The key here is that Peter Pan was a seasoned soldier by the age of 19. He never expected to grow to old age but he did want to maintain his youth. So that he could continue soldiering. He loved traveling to Washington, DC, West Point in New York and the National War College in Pennsylvania. He was also a guest speaker at Press Clubs and other organizations by invitation.

This guy had an annual New Years party where people who had ever served with him could attend in Japan.

Final Comments:
Regrets:
I am sorry I caused my parents to worry about me when I left home. They were good parents and gave all they could. I am sorry that I spent so much of my life in the military where I did a lot of good but much harm too. Sorry I killed all of those people. So sorry. I am sorry that I lost
my son and wife.

After my wife died I had several wonderful relationships and I am sorry I did not take better care of them. I let them go much to my regret. Last night I woke up thinking of them.

My strong desire is to have the opportunity of doing some good for people and to experience life just a little longer. Oh yes, a loving relationship would indicate that I earned some positive karma.

PS: also last night I was going to destroy this. Please handle with confidence. This is a story of a
Peter Pan in the military.

Peter Pan in the Military-Part IV

2008-02-24T11:17:00.000-08:00

Our Peter Pan was a good friend of Col Berns, he is one of the OSS team that almost killed Hitler.
He was recalled to active duty to assist in the development of the Special Forces. He and our Peter Pan met at Fort Benning were the Special Forces were being trained and activated. It so happens that the President was meeting that day. Peter Pan hit it the jack pot. He was immediately accepted into the Special Forces and within two weeks promoted to 1st. Lt. From this point on he had special assignments with team made up of Army and CIA personnel. His assignments were of a wide range from the space program and the cold war with Russia to operations in VN. His headquarters was the Pentagon, Washington, DC. The Cold War was a two prong one. One, gaining information about the Russian space program and protecting our information to intervene when possible with the Russian effort to gather allies. The public knew little about these operations except talk about a race to the moon. Our Peter Pan is now a Major.
Actually, he is one of the youngest Majors in the Army at the age of 32.

Peter Pan in the Military-Part III

2008-02-24T09:29:00.000-08:00

Ok, lets look backward a little to see what may have contributed to this emerging condition. First our Peter Pan had a number of older friends when he was about 14-15. The friends were nearing 18 and the draft. They shared social contacts such as drinking beer and limited dating.
Our Peter Pan was somewhat large and mature for his age. Well built and tall Remember from a young age he roamed the rugged mountains. He camped out alone starting at about age 10-11. Remember in those days they worried about him getting hurt and not of someone hurting him.

Then at age 16 he presented himself at the draft board in Seattle, WA. and managed with a little help from an adult friend to be inducted into the Army at Fort Lewis. From now on until he attains the legal age of 18 he will have to conduct himself as an adult. No more kid stuff. So he became an expert in appropriate language, handling a beer, and a certain mature facade. This must have been a strain. He picked one NCO to imitate. So around females, drinking, and having disagreements he acted as though he was 18.

As we mentioned he completed Infantry basic training and then won parachutist wings at the
Infantry School at Fort Benning. From there to Army Field Intelligence School. He was transferred around several times So we return to where he is a member of a Ranger Company
in South Korea. He is now 17 and about to experience some life changing events. The first such event occuried when he was engaged in combat with the newly arrived Chinese Army who entered North Korea to assist the Koreans. Oor soldier had severe wounds and required immediate medical treatment. Their medic was dead as were all members of the company except nine counting our soldier. He was the only one with rank.

Barely able to walk he gave orders for them to follow a creek bed with running water south. He
knew that water flowed south and that the Anerican forces were south of them. All eight of the soldiers helped him at times and they evenually contacted US Army units. Nearly dead he was evacuated to an Army hospital in Japan. It appeared that he would recover from the wounds and probably return to duty. Much to his surprise many ranking officers paid him a visit. He was awarded the Distingushed Service Cross, the Purple Heart, and several other medals. The
DSC is next to the Medal of Honor.

To his great surprise and barely understanding the significance of it he was commissioned a second lieutanent. He was able to get out of bed for the first time to receive this. A team of personnel appeared to present him with his officer's uniform. Not quite 18 yet. It will be another 2-3 weeks prior to discharge from the hospital. His future assignment is unknown.

We will continue in a new post. Remember his family has not heard from him since he left home and they do not know where he is. Is he dead or alive ? Those events will have a powerful impact on his future and the development of the Peter Pan complex.

Peter Pan in the Military-Part II

2008-02-23T19:51:00.000-08:00

We find our your soldier in South Korea stationed with a small Ranger Company. Let me enter a note on the development of Ranger units over the years. The WWII Ranger units were superior and accomplished many battlefield assignments in the various theaters. Later they weakened and could not compare with the orginal ones and were greatly expanded. Around 1950 or so the Special Forces units replaced the elite Ranger units. Special Forces were slow in gaining strength as on the average for every 100 men who volunteered only about 4-6 would be selected.

Ok, let catch up with our Peter Pan to be. Later on we will discuss the term Peter Pan. However, look it up in several available places such as the net, and books.

Peter Pan in the Military

2008-02-23T18:58:00.000-08:00

I know of a man who has the Peter Pan Syndrome with a real twist to it. He is now getting older and will acknowledge facts to other professionals. The so average called lay person does not understand at all nor care. This person went into the military at the age of 16. Of course, he pretended to be older but as a young kid he enjoyed that. Almost from the very beginning in basic training he played solder to the hilt. The iron clad discipline did not bother him, in fact he enjoyed it.

Directly from the regular basic he went to airborne training at Ft. Benning, GA the home of the US Army Infantry. Training is most difficult and combined with enlisted men and officers. Although homesick and depressed at times he was a top student. On his first jump he was so afraid and feared vomiting. His mates had no idea of this fear as he hooked up and moved towards the door. There a burly noncom was ready to push one out the door if he hestitated.
Our subject soldier greeted and noncom and out he went.

Now wearing the wings of a jumper our Peter Pan drank beer with the best and stood tall as he played out his adult role. At times he would go alone to the obstacle course and master the difficult parts in the simi-darkness. This enabled him to be superior in the day light where he was identifed as a superior soldier among a few others who were more mature then he.

To our young Peter Pan to be this was all play acting so as not to be detected as under age. Actually, a few of the Officers and Sargents suspected that he might be. No one ever challenged him openly about it. They never knew that he cried himself to sleep quite often. He completed the training and received several awards. These awards are actually minor but will help a young soldier make it for the next year or so. Not many earned them. They were for physical abilities and markmanship.

He left Air Borne School as a Corporal. A rather low rank but quite high for a rookie just out of basic. Although our Peter Pan did not have a High School diploma he scored high on several tests and was sent to Field Intelligence School. Remember, our Peter Pan had no idea what this label meant or that it would be his to deal with. In fact we will see that he knew nothing about such things until he first heard of it when getting his first college degree. However, this is jumping ahead. He received several other training certificates such as a sniper, specialized parachuting, etc. It appear that he did not serve in one unit long enough to be promoted.

Our subject Peter Pan was assigned to a unit in Europe but the records are confusing as he transferred from unit to unit. We know little of his military performance at this time. Shortly after the Korean War started he was assigned to a Ranger Company in Korea. These units were
attached to larger organizations for logistics. In the field they operated as independent units. In our next post we will pick where our young Peter Pan was seriously wounded. This is the big turning point in his life. For the first time his maturity and devlopment came into play.

Let me just interject a professional comment. Peter Pan like all diagnosis is an internal psychological disorder that is not apparent to the carrier nor observers for a long time
and sometimes never. Our Peter Pan is still a very young male playing soldier for real.
This is why it is a very interesting story as it unfolds.

We will continue in a new post.

Dreaming In Small Steps

2008-01-12T13:54:00.000-08:00

It's such a small thing, folding a towel…and folding it without wrinkles. The edges are all even. The little tag is on the inside where it won't be seen. The towel lays flat, ready to be stacked with the others. Seems like such a tiny thing, but folding a towel properly is important. With this small thing comes a good feeling, a feeling of accomplishment. Pride in a thing well done. No one is going to know about this little thing you've accomplished. You're not going to broadcast it to the world. It's a private thing, this folding of the towel, something you'll keep between you and yourself. This little thing you keep to yourself, and the feelings engendered, will always be a private thing. No one else would really understand, anyway. But it's something of which you can be proud, this tiny, private thing. A private pride in yourself and the things you do.

This pride in doing things, and doing them well, is a private reward. Such a small reward, but a reward, nevertheless. And that, my friend, is one of the reasons small deeds are worthwhile. We've all entertained grandiose visions of becoming the next great physicist, race car driver, governor, or whatever else one can imagine. The fantasies, dreams, visions, imaginations, aspirations, and ambitions are as endless as the sky. It's easy to dream. The hard part is bringing that dream to reality. Most of us realize that accomplishing one's goal is no small feat. Intermediate steps must be undertaken towards completion of our ultimate goal. In those intermediate steps lies the foundation for the greatness to follow.

The self-esteem that follows the accomplishment of those steps, is, in itself, its' own reward. If you do small things well, then it stands to reason, you'll habitually do the large things well, because you've built a good, solid foundation. If you take a look at the great accomplishments in human history, you'll find they were accomplished by people who did small things well. These are people who were committed to themselves and their goals. One must have a desire and then commit to that desire. After that, one must spend the time and resources necessary for realization of the dream. The dreaming was easy...now the real work begins. This is the point where most dreams end. The desire is there, but the commitment and hard work were not part of the original equation. The "I can't..." begins to creep in, and soon come the rationalizations; "It was just a dream, anyway", "It would never have amounted to anything", "I don't have the time, nor the money" or, "I am not smart enough".

It's easy to toss away a dream which has no commitment. How many of us already know that? So how do we get commitment? Is there a commitment store? Where can I find it? The answer is relatively easy, my friend. One doesn't commit to the lofty aspirations in the beginning, those are the end results. You commit to those only in a general sense. Your profound commitment should be only to the next small step. That's where you spend your efforts, time and resources. College students who have high aspirations must first get out of bed. Then the next step is simply to get to class. The next step is to pay attention to the professor.

The next step is to complete the assignments. It is these repetitious small steps and the commitment to them that will get the student across the stage at graduation. So it is with any dream. You first determine the desired end result. Then lay out the steps necessary for the achievement of those goals. Then commit to those small steps. If the second floor is your destination, one small step at a time will get you there. It is in the completion of those individual steps where one gains the feeling of accomplishment in a job well done. Such a small thing, the folding of a towel, but its one step in the completion of the laundry cycle.

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Enhance Your Life With Gratitude

2008-01-12T13:45:00.000-08:00

Have we forgotten how to be grateful? Maybe you are asking, "Whatdo I have to be grateful for?" Be grateful for the small thingsin life. If you ate breakfast this morning you are better offthan the 800 million people worldwide who will go hungry today. Most of us underestimate the power of gratitude. As we constantlystrive to add more and more to our lives it is easy to forgetabout being grateful for things and talents we already possess.Making gratitude a habit will enrich your whole outlook on life,even in the most turbulent circumstances. What we focus on grows. The more we focus on what we appreciate,the more we will have to appreciate! Gratitude is a learned skill that must be practiced daily todevelop its full potential. Practicing gratitude does not requireelaborate rituals or a huge amount of spiritual awareness; simplytaking a few moments to note every time something goes right isenough.

At first this may take a conscious effort, but as the habit takesroot, seeing things to be thankful for becomes as natural asbreathing. Although grateful people tend to be happier people, beinggrateful is not the same as being happy. When life is turning outall wrong, being grateful allows you to focus on that ray ofsunshine coming through. It allows you to take an honest look ata situation and say, "even in this there is reason to hope." Do not confuse being grateful with settling for less. Gratitudeshould never interfere with your efforts to improve and grow.Expressing gratitude simply gives you a better outlook on life,making it easier to attract the true happiness you deserve. Byfocusing attention on what is going right, more things work outfor the best. Be grateful even for the trials in life.

Your trials are what made you the person you are today. It is those very same trials that you strong enough to cope with the difficulties in life. A big problem in today's world is that we have been conditionedto think we have to live a certain way, look a certain way andhave certain things just to maintain a status quo. If we don'tthen we should be dissatisfied. While dissatisfaction can be agreat motivator, without action or personal effort it only leadsto frustration, anger and bitterness. Grateful people have a way of looking at the misfortunes andfailures in their lives and turning them into opportunities.These opportunities may not be readily apparent at first, butwhen the pain and frustration have passed, there they are. Everycloud has a silver lining if only we take the time to look.

You don't have to wait for good things to occur to expressgratitude. Gratitude does not mean jumping for joy abouteverything in your life, but rather, that you see and take noteof whatever is put before you. It means taking advantage of everyopportunity that comes your way, whether presented as fortune ormisfortune. Enhance your life. Take a few moments right now and actively notice things you can be grateful for.

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